Open Adoption

Originally from 6/6/12

We decided we were not comfortable with our fost-adopt program, so this only left a few more options:

- Fost-adopt directly through the county [We decided not to go this route because the county is focused more on traditional fostering, not fost-adopt]

- Private adoption [We were scared of this due to cost and fear of open adoption]

We re-visited private adoption and realized that the idea had really grown on us.  The cost is extremely high, but the ability to bring a child home and have FK be ours for life sounded worth the money.  I had no idea where the money would come from, but had faith that we would find a way if it was right.  We would not invest in FK for years before we sent him/her back to a potentially negative situation forever.  On top of that, an open adoption sounded far less scary in the wake of planning to take our foster child for visits with their parents knowing full well that the parents wanted their children back.  When we left the fost-adopt training, we felt like we could make it work.  When we left the private adoption training, we were just excited about what was coming.

So, we signed up for an info session with Independent Adoption Center last weekend.  When we did the fost-adopt training, the time dragged.  This time, the day flew by.  The more we learned about open adoption, the more we knew that it was the right choice.  As an adopted child, I always wondered who my parents were, why I was given up, what my cultural heritage was, and about my medical history.  Open adoption would have allowed me to answer those questions.  As my mom said when I searched for my birth mother, "You can never have too many people love you."  Open adoption is also good for the birth mother.  She has not had her kids taken from her - she chose to give up her child because she knew it was in their best interest.  In the past, the birth mother was expected to forget they ever had a child and would never know what happened to them.  By allowing contact, the bio-mom would know that their child was safe and happy, that the best decision was made, and it keeps the act one of love.  If something is in the best interested of both the birth mother and the child, it is also in the best interest of the adoptive parents.  I only want the best for my children and owe it to the mother for the incredible gift she has given me.

Newly converted, that only leaves the problem with money.  We have some money in savings and were excited to learn that the $13,000 adoption tax credit counted in the year you paid the fees.  However, those two things left us far from the $35,000 adoption.   Were I able to get pregnant, my health insurance would help, but I did not have that luxury.  Then the agency director told us that most adoptive families today do fundraising to pay for their adoption.  We both hate asking for money, especially for ourselves.  But we also acknowledge that, without help, we will never be able to be parents.  

We have faith that we will be able to raise the money.  The average wait time is 14.8 months.  At the end of July we have a two-day intensive training, and we are excited to have take a new step on the right journey for our family.