Almost in circulation!

We are so close to being in circulation.  That means that birth mothers can choose us to adopt their child.  We have almost all of our paperwork in (just waiting to determine what we are missing) and have the text of our letter and pictures approved as of today!! Now it's a matter of putting it all together in a brochure ("Dear Birthmother" letter) and a website.  Hopefully we are ready to print within weeks.  We're so excited!!

The next stage, on top of putting together the paperwork, is trying to raise the funds.  That has been the scariest part right now.  We have a few fundraisers coming up to try to pay for the expenses that are a part of adoption.  Part of what is hard is that we have insurance, which would normally pay for the birth of our child.  Since we can't use insurance for adoption, the cost is insane.

So, even though we hate asking for money for ourselves, we are holding a few fundraisers to try to come up with the $35,000 it takes to adopt a baby.  Please don't feel pressure to attend or donate if you read our blog.  We want everybody to share in this exciting journey with us.  Save the date(s) for any of the upcoming events if you can - we just love to spend time together:

Saturday, October 13 - Backyard BBQ Competition.  We need cooks (tri-tip, beans, and dessert categories) and judges to come eat!  Email Esteban at headriguez @ yahoo . com for more info.

Saturday, October 27 or Sunday, October 28 - Oktoberfest. (Date almost finalized) Come have brats and beers, listen to a great band, and enjoy the last of the amazing fall weather.  Email Laura at laurasaldana1 @ gmail . com for more info.

Saturday, November 10 - Yard Sale at our house.  If any of you have anything to donate for us to sell, that would be amazing!  Contact either of us at the addresses above.

Can't do any of it, but want to help?  There's a donate button on the blog where you can help if you want.  Beyond all of that, we can't express how much we appreciate your friendship and support as we go through this process.  After meeting our first niece this weekend (!), we are so sure that we are doing the right thing and are so ready to be parents!  So, without further ado, meet Alie, our niece!!

Open Adoption

Originally from 6/6/12

We decided we were not comfortable with our fost-adopt program, so this only left a few more options:

- Fost-adopt directly through the county [We decided not to go this route because the county is focused more on traditional fostering, not fost-adopt]

- Private adoption [We were scared of this due to cost and fear of open adoption]

We re-visited private adoption and realized that the idea had really grown on us.  The cost is extremely high, but the ability to bring a child home and have FK be ours for life sounded worth the money.  I had no idea where the money would come from, but had faith that we would find a way if it was right.  We would not invest in FK for years before we sent him/her back to a potentially negative situation forever.  On top of that, an open adoption sounded far less scary in the wake of planning to take our foster child for visits with their parents knowing full well that the parents wanted their children back.  When we left the fost-adopt training, we felt like we could make it work.  When we left the private adoption training, we were just excited about what was coming.

So, we signed up for an info session with Independent Adoption Center last weekend.  When we did the fost-adopt training, the time dragged.  This time, the day flew by.  The more we learned about open adoption, the more we knew that it was the right choice.  As an adopted child, I always wondered who my parents were, why I was given up, what my cultural heritage was, and about my medical history.  Open adoption would have allowed me to answer those questions.  As my mom said when I searched for my birth mother, "You can never have too many people love you."  Open adoption is also good for the birth mother.  She has not had her kids taken from her - she chose to give up her child because she knew it was in their best interest.  In the past, the birth mother was expected to forget they ever had a child and would never know what happened to them.  By allowing contact, the bio-mom would know that their child was safe and happy, that the best decision was made, and it keeps the act one of love.  If something is in the best interested of both the birth mother and the child, it is also in the best interest of the adoptive parents.  I only want the best for my children and owe it to the mother for the incredible gift she has given me.

Newly converted, that only leaves the problem with money.  We have some money in savings and were excited to learn that the $13,000 adoption tax credit counted in the year you paid the fees.  However, those two things left us far from the $35,000 adoption.   Were I able to get pregnant, my health insurance would help, but I did not have that luxury.  Then the agency director told us that most adoptive families today do fundraising to pay for their adoption.  We both hate asking for money, especially for ourselves.  But we also acknowledge that, without help, we will never be able to be parents.  

We have faith that we will be able to raise the money.  The average wait time is 14.8 months.  At the end of July we have a two-day intensive training, and we are excited to have take a new step on the right journey for our family.

Fost Adopt, not fast adopt

Originally from 6/12/12

I hesitated to write for a long time because things weren't going well in the adoption process.  Then, someone pointed out to me that was the point of blogging - to tell the good and the bad - so that people could support us and perhaps learn from us.  So, I sat down to write and looked at an empty screen.  Now, things are much better, so of course the words are flying from my fingers.

The catch up: We had a really difficult time with the fost-adopt process.  We had surrendered ourselves to the idea of fostering, but found the agency super unresponsive.  We turned in all paperwork and then waited two months without a word.  We sold items to clear out a baby room, rebuilt cabinets to have locks, and started purchasing baby items.  Finally, I gave in and started contacting the agency.  A week and multiple contacts later, I was told that they would not have time to get to us until after the owner gets back from Romania in a few months.  Then they said that, if we took a day off from work, they could squeeze us in for our home study (the final step before we go "live") before he left.  So I cleaned and Esteban teased (are they really going to keep a baby from us if the baseboards don't shine?).  We woke up that day and nervously got ready.  I found more unseen places to clean.  20 minutes before they were to arrive, they called and canceled.  They said that they had known for days but they never called my cell or emailed me (how we've always talked to them in the past).  I had already planned to tell them how frustrating the lack of contact had been, but this really frustrated me.  They told me that they would try to fit us in a few months.  I cried and they told me that the fact that I was upset created a red flag for them that I was not fit to be a parent.  I called them later and thought we were in a good place - The lady seemed to understand that we were frustrated by the lack of communication, not the delay.

The owner came to meet with us (after we took off another day from work) to discuss.  We thought it would be a two-way discussion, but it ended up being a one-sided lecture.  Paraphrased: They know that they aren't communicating well, but this is who they are.  They are just trying to make things difficult so they can weed out potential parents because the process is so difficult.  I tried to explain that I expected difficulty from the county and the process, but that the agency would help us navigate the waters.  He then said something that really made me think - he said that sometimes we are really deep in a process and continue going even when it is not right, just because the end was in sight.  When he left, Esteban and I realized this was what we did.  We were almost there, but this just didn't feel like the correct path.

Why?  We decided that we really wanted to know FK (future kid) as long as we could.  We had a dog wander into our yard that is now ours.  A neighbor down the street offered to take her because we were searching for her owners.  I knew the owner would be a bad doggy parent, and it made us think - if we couldn't send a dog over to our neighbor's, how could be return a baby to their parents?  The likelihood of getting an infant is low.  We couldn't change FK's name, cut FK's hair, travel home, etc. without court permission.  All people pray for a healthy baby - we were guaranteeing ourselves to raise a child with a lot of issues, at least to start. How many pray for a child with difficulties?  As soon as we acknowledged that, a huge weight lifted off our shoulders.  We knew that we needed to look in a new direction, but weren't sure quite what that was yet. . .

Originally from 2/26/12

Esteban and I have been trying to have kids for a long time.  We have been married for 3 1/2 years and have been trying to get pregnant for. . . 3 1/2 years.  Luckily we always knew that adoption was an option for us and we know now that this is our time.  We were blessed that Paul, my boss, approached me and said that he felt he was supposed to talk about adoption with me.  I don't know how he knew, but he got us in touch with an organization named Hand in Hand that helps with adoptions.

Being a planner and organizer, I jumped in with both feet and we have finished the paperwork in two months that they said usually take 4-5.  We have gone through countless doctor's appointments, blood tests, DMV appointments, CPR, First Aid, 100 pages of paperwork, and more.  However, it wasn't until yesterday, the end of our trainings, that we really understood with our hearts what the process will be like.  I know that it is hard to comprehend, so I wanted my friends and family to be able to read this so that they know how to support us.

The only way we can afford to adopt is through fost adopt.  This means that the kids who come to us are kids that CPS have taken away from their parents - they are not kids that the parents chose to give to adoption.  Laws are written to support the birth parents.  This means that they will do everything in their power to return the kids to their birth parents or families.  It is considered a failure in the eyes of the system if we adopt a child.  This is difficult.  We knew that there was a chance they would take the children back, but knowing that us adopting is the law's last choice was hard.

What it also means is that there are 18 months from the moment that the child is taken away until the courts have to decide whether or not kids will be returned to their birth parents or not (not counting appeals).  It also means that by the time that courts decide to take away the kid, the child is probably older than an infant.  We really want a baby, which means that we will start taking care of the child earlier in the process.  It also means that there is a much higher risk that the child will be returned to the birth parents (about 60%).

We have to be ready for a child to come into our home at a moment's notice, not being prepared for the gender or exact age of the child that comes in.  We may have multiple children come in and out of our home that we may only get a short time to love on.  One of those children, someday, will get to stay with us for life.  We will not know which kid it is when they come into our home.  We won't know until the adoption is final.  We will love on each kid as if they are our own - one of them will be.  Until an adoption is final, we cannot change their names and will be bringing them for visitations with their parents.

We ask that you join us on this wild ride.  Welcome each kid and love on them.  Invest in their lives.  But know that we may not be able to raise this child forever.  This loss WILL probably happen.  But, as hard as it is for us, realize that it is much much harder for the children.  We are thankful that we are able to make a difference for whatever children are brought are way and are excited that one day, we will have children for life.