Roller Coaster

On Wednesday, we got a call from a birth mother.  I was sitting in a CPR class (of course the only time that I don't have my paperwork describing what to discuss) and my phone rang.  I looked down and thought, "I don't know that number; I won't answer."  Then I realized that I didn't know the number!!  I stepped outside and it was an incredible girl who is trying to make the best choice for her future child.  She is 6-8 weeks along and said she was committed to the idea of adoption.  Thursday morning, I left a message for the agency to tell them about the call but was so excited about becoming a parent.  Thursday morning, she called me again to talk.  She asked us to go to the doctor's appointments with her.  She told us that she looked through tons of profiles and that we just seemed like the kind of family she wished she had grown up in.  It was almost too good to be true.

Then, the agency called her.  She said she was out shopping and couldn't talk, but would call later.  They called me today to tell me that they left several messages for her, but that she hasn't returned them.  Policy is that, at this point, they stop calling.  They don't want to pressure her into adoption.  They said that sometimes this happens when it is so early on in the pregnancy and that sometimes the birth mother pops up again a few months later, but that it is not a match at this point.  I tried so hard not to get my hopes up, but I couldn't help it.  I'm just so sad.  I know we haven't waited long at all in their adoption process, but we have been trying to get pregnant for 4.5 years and been pursuing adoption for 11 months.  I just want to be a parent.  Please pray for peace and patience for me.  I am really struggling right now.  The rain and gloom outside really fits today.

We are in circulation!!!!

We're so excited!!!!!!

We have been working for this day since January.  After two agencies, 21 edits of our birthmother letter, making websites, blogs, and filling out tons of paperwork, we are in circulation.  This means that we could match with a birthmother at any moment.  The average wait time before match is 14.8 months and the average match is with someone who is 6 months pregnant, so we are still looking at a long wait.  Or maybe not.  That is what is so exciting!

People have asked how they can help.  There are a few ways:
1)  Help us network.  10% of adoptions take place due to personal networking.  You may not think you know anyone looking to place their baby, but your neighbor's friend's kid might.  Like us on Facebook.  Comment on our birthmother blog and FB posts so that we show up in feeds.  Share our website.  Some of you will receive a copy of our Dear Birthmother letter in the mail.  Just hang on to it in case anything comes up.  Re-post our birthmother letter on your Facebook page.

2) Attend a fundraiser to help us raise the $35K needed to adopt.  You all have been so generous so far!     If you can't attend and would like to help financially, you can donate on-line.  You need to open the web-version (not mobile) of our blog and there is a button in the upper right hand corner.

3) Far more important than that - support us mentally!  The wait can get long and we can drive ourselves crazy with all of the google analytics to see how many people have visited our site and how long they stay on it.  Hug us and keep us busy!! :)

Dear Birthmother Letter approved!!!

After 21 edits and a hard copy proof, our Dear Birthmother has been officially approved.  The copies are ordered and will arrive on November 7.  As of later today, all other paperwork will be in.  That means that in just a matter of days, we will be officially in the pool and we could make a match at any time.  The average time from joining the pool to match is 14.8 months, so we are still probably in for a long wait, but we are excited that any time my phone rings, we could be meeting the mother of our child!

Oktoberfest fundraiser

We are overwhelmed by the amount of love and support that our friends have shown us yesterday at our Oktoberfest fundraiser.  It was a lot of fun to have so many important people in our lives at our house eating, drinking, and watching the fight.  A special thank you to Scott for driving down from Sacramento, Lili and Freddy for dog sitting for the weekend, and all of our friends and family that brought food.

Jenny and I with our Oktoberfest spirit

Jenny, Beth, and I

By the time we cleaned up and counted money, we were happy to learn that we raised $939 after expenses toward the goal of starting a family.  I was in tears to realize that so many people believe in our ability to parent and are willing to help our dream of being parents come true.

Esteban cooking up the brats

Scott makes a pretty beer maiden

Our next fundraiser is on November 3.  We are holding a yard sale.  If you have any items that you are able to donate to our sale, please let us know.  I am not parking in my garage between now and then, so we can store it here.  We can also come pick anything up you have.  Thank you again to everyone for your help!!

Kaylin and I are shirt twins

The Ramirez family, freshly back from Hawaii

Didn't like the letter / I love my mom!

So, I got a call back from the adoption agency.  After three edits, they have decided that they don't like the way that our letter and pictures fit into any of their free templates.  This was discouraging because the only other option was to pay a designer $500 to create our Dear Birthmother Letter (brochure). . . or so I thought.

I got this news when I was in Arizona visiting my family for my Grammy's 90th (!!!) birthday.  When I showed my mom what they didn't like about each template, she said that she thought she could do something custom on Publisher at work.  So, we went in after hours and spent two fun days editing it.  We took the best of the templates, were able to brighten pictures, and make it fit our desired pictures.

I am not sure what the agency thinks yet, as I just emailed it over yesterday.  But at least now, we can make the changes and hopefully get in the system soon.  I am so thankful to have a mom so skilled with Publisher who was willing to spend her off-hours at work.  My mom is incredible!

Almost in circulation!

We are so close to being in circulation.  That means that birth mothers can choose us to adopt their child.  We have almost all of our paperwork in (just waiting to determine what we are missing) and have the text of our letter and pictures approved as of today!! Now it's a matter of putting it all together in a brochure ("Dear Birthmother" letter) and a website.  Hopefully we are ready to print within weeks.  We're so excited!!

The next stage, on top of putting together the paperwork, is trying to raise the funds.  That has been the scariest part right now.  We have a few fundraisers coming up to try to pay for the expenses that are a part of adoption.  Part of what is hard is that we have insurance, which would normally pay for the birth of our child.  Since we can't use insurance for adoption, the cost is insane.

So, even though we hate asking for money for ourselves, we are holding a few fundraisers to try to come up with the $35,000 it takes to adopt a baby.  Please don't feel pressure to attend or donate if you read our blog.  We want everybody to share in this exciting journey with us.  Save the date(s) for any of the upcoming events if you can - we just love to spend time together:

Saturday, October 13 - Backyard BBQ Competition.  We need cooks (tri-tip, beans, and dessert categories) and judges to come eat!  Email Esteban at headriguez @ yahoo . com for more info.

Saturday, October 27 or Sunday, October 28 - Oktoberfest. (Date almost finalized) Come have brats and beers, listen to a great band, and enjoy the last of the amazing fall weather.  Email Laura at laurasaldana1 @ gmail . com for more info.

Saturday, November 10 - Yard Sale at our house.  If any of you have anything to donate for us to sell, that would be amazing!  Contact either of us at the addresses above.

Can't do any of it, but want to help?  There's a donate button on the blog where you can help if you want.  Beyond all of that, we can't express how much we appreciate your friendship and support as we go through this process.  After meeting our first niece this weekend (!), we are so sure that we are doing the right thing and are so ready to be parents!  So, without further ado, meet Alie, our niece!!

Open Adoption

Originally from 6/6/12

We decided we were not comfortable with our fost-adopt program, so this only left a few more options:

- Fost-adopt directly through the county [We decided not to go this route because the county is focused more on traditional fostering, not fost-adopt]

- Private adoption [We were scared of this due to cost and fear of open adoption]

We re-visited private adoption and realized that the idea had really grown on us.  The cost is extremely high, but the ability to bring a child home and have FK be ours for life sounded worth the money.  I had no idea where the money would come from, but had faith that we would find a way if it was right.  We would not invest in FK for years before we sent him/her back to a potentially negative situation forever.  On top of that, an open adoption sounded far less scary in the wake of planning to take our foster child for visits with their parents knowing full well that the parents wanted their children back.  When we left the fost-adopt training, we felt like we could make it work.  When we left the private adoption training, we were just excited about what was coming.

So, we signed up for an info session with Independent Adoption Center last weekend.  When we did the fost-adopt training, the time dragged.  This time, the day flew by.  The more we learned about open adoption, the more we knew that it was the right choice.  As an adopted child, I always wondered who my parents were, why I was given up, what my cultural heritage was, and about my medical history.  Open adoption would have allowed me to answer those questions.  As my mom said when I searched for my birth mother, "You can never have too many people love you."  Open adoption is also good for the birth mother.  She has not had her kids taken from her - she chose to give up her child because she knew it was in their best interest.  In the past, the birth mother was expected to forget they ever had a child and would never know what happened to them.  By allowing contact, the bio-mom would know that their child was safe and happy, that the best decision was made, and it keeps the act one of love.  If something is in the best interested of both the birth mother and the child, it is also in the best interest of the adoptive parents.  I only want the best for my children and owe it to the mother for the incredible gift she has given me.

Newly converted, that only leaves the problem with money.  We have some money in savings and were excited to learn that the $13,000 adoption tax credit counted in the year you paid the fees.  However, those two things left us far from the $35,000 adoption.   Were I able to get pregnant, my health insurance would help, but I did not have that luxury.  Then the agency director told us that most adoptive families today do fundraising to pay for their adoption.  We both hate asking for money, especially for ourselves.  But we also acknowledge that, without help, we will never be able to be parents.  

We have faith that we will be able to raise the money.  The average wait time is 14.8 months.  At the end of July we have a two-day intensive training, and we are excited to have take a new step on the right journey for our family.