I hesitated to write for a long time because things weren't going well in the adoption process. Then, someone pointed out to me that was the point of blogging - to tell the good and the bad - so that people could support us and perhaps learn from us. So, I sat down to write and looked at an empty screen. Now, things are much better, so of course the words are flying from my fingers.
The catch up: We had a really difficult time with the fost-adopt process. We had surrendered ourselves to the idea of fostering, but found the agency super unresponsive. We turned in all paperwork and then waited two months without a word. We sold items to clear out a baby room, rebuilt cabinets to have locks, and started purchasing baby items. Finally, I gave in and started contacting the agency. A week and multiple contacts later, I was told that they would not have time to get to us until after the owner gets back from Romania in a few months. Then they said that, if we took a day off from work, they could squeeze us in for our home study (the final step before we go "live") before he left. So I cleaned and Esteban teased (are they really going to keep a baby from us if the baseboards don't shine?). We woke up that day and nervously got ready. I found more unseen places to clean. 20 minutes before they were to arrive, they called and canceled. They said that they had known for days but they never called my cell or emailed me (how we've always talked to them in the past). I had already planned to tell them how frustrating the lack of contact had been, but this really frustrated me. They told me that they would try to fit us in a few months. I cried and they told me that the fact that I was upset created a red flag for them that I was not fit to be a parent. I called them later and thought we were in a good place - The lady seemed to understand that we were frustrated by the lack of communication, not the delay.
The owner came to meet with us (after we took off another day from work) to discuss. We thought it would be a two-way discussion, but it ended up being a one-sided lecture. Paraphrased: They know that they aren't communicating well, but this is who they are. They are just trying to make things difficult so they can weed out potential parents because the process is so difficult. I tried to explain that I expected difficulty from the county and the process, but that the agency would help us navigate the waters. He then said something that really made me think - he said that sometimes we are really deep in a process and continue going even when it is not right, just because the end was in sight. When he left, Esteban and I realized this was what we did. We were almost there, but this just didn't feel like the correct path.
Why? We decided that we really wanted to know FK (future kid) as long as we could. We had a dog wander into our yard that is now ours. A neighbor down the street offered to take her because we were searching for her owners. I knew the owner would be a bad doggy parent, and it made us think - if we couldn't send a dog over to our neighbor's, how could be return a baby to their parents? The likelihood of getting an infant is low. We couldn't change FK's name, cut FK's hair, travel home, etc. without court permission. All people pray for a healthy baby - we were guaranteeing ourselves to raise a child with a lot of issues, at least to start. How many pray for a child with difficulties? As soon as we acknowledged that, a huge weight lifted off our shoulders. We knew that we needed to look in a new direction, but weren't sure quite what that was yet. . .
